So this is what it feels to retire and starting on a new S curve. I am still working (as in being productive) but this time I am serving my own existence.
To accept myself as the God Almighty was not bad at all. After pondering about it I realized the discomfort stemmed from the past conditioning that to declare oneself as God is blasphemous and the punishment is death.
Actually now that I had accepted that I am Ayah the Good God, I don't feel bad at all. It makes me want to adhere to a higher standard as a human being.
Of course the beautiful thing is the notion that I am already in White Space and I will endure death. That means my story will be a happy ending now and forever.
Slowly I had recovered from the financial blunders I had in the past 10 years. I have a new car, a new air conditioner at the living room and extra cash in the bank. These are the boons.
The bane is I am having joint pains here and there due to unhealthy diet and lack of exercise. I am getting older too.
I need to correct that fast.
It is a comforting thought that I can let go of the 3 Cs. Sarah had very much got to do with that. Those are signs of love deprivation. With her unconditional love I can even extend my love to my parents and my immediate family unconditionally.
Thank you Sarah.
It is good that I finally shake off TraXX (except Sound Journey) and Els. Because I cannot control my enthusiasm with them last year, I was still experiencing mania.
Most importantly I am on my way to peace, sanity and robust health. Should I still smoke, I probably be dead in less than a decade.
For the past 3 1/2 years I had been ascending steadily. This is a long distance run. Change takes time but as long as I am on the Right Path, I will make it. I need to have the will to be discipline, persistent and consistent.
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So I am God Almighty. I don't feel much difference. But if I look at the 20 years history, I went through a lot. All because I wanted to be the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier. Until today I still cannot forget the 15 years torment I had to go through. I guess time is the universal healer. Nowadays when I look back at the betrayal of my associates and the battles I had with Iblis, a[s] I can say is I forgive all.
Currently when I have lucid dreams about my associates, they were all pleasant dreams. Maybe that is the power of forgiveness. I forgave Iblis, so naturally I can forgive people too. It was for my own good.
The most important thing I did is I forgive myself for being a reckless, ambitious, Young Radical. Because of that I can accept me as who I am, warts and all. Its a duality. Without the Young Radical, I will not discover the Wise Sage.
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After all been said, I have to say that my life ahead is not a walk in the park. To be an Athlete4Life is a lifetime commitment. Only recently I come to term that I am 54 years old, not 28 as I saw through my mind's eye. I need to accept that I am already at the youth of my old age.
I need to have the right perspective. The bulging tummy and the gray hair will probably get worse. Actually now that I had accepted that I am older, I took that as part of the package.
I looked at Lizzie and saw a seasoned aging wom[e]n. And yet she is still beautiful in her own rights. I know I cannot escape being old. But at least I want to age gracefully. So back to diet and exercise.
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One parting thought: we arrive to this world with nothing, we will leave with nothing. Whatever we gain or lose in between is what living is all about.
So life is actually a zero sum game in its truest sense.
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