>>>#23/6/29 Personal Log 003 June 2019

I have decided that I am going to be a Cleaner as an Athlete4Life.  Which means I am starting fresh beginning 22/6/19.

I will *[] offer any apology for my past relentless behavior.  I accept who I am both good and evil.

* Thanks.  I love you more than ever Sarah.  I am who I am warts and all.

Even Brenda cannot stand when I opened my cloak walking in the dark.

Today I am fully certain that I will not walk the same path again.  Although I subscribe to the Relentless 13, I am a proponent of the Musashi 9 Precepts:

 So while Relentless 13 enable for me to walk in the dark with a cloak, the 9 Precepts is when I walk naked in the [L]ight.  I am still a Cleaner unlike Master Jedi who is a Closer.

Otherwise I would not have adopted Shinu Kikai O Motomo as my belief.

There were things I did that I am not proud of but I did it because beside being God I am also the Devil.  While I am a Generous Giver, I am also a Ruthless Taker.  While I am a collector of Hearts of Gold I am also the Rapist of the Innocent Minds.  That is just my nature.  I am part Angel and part Demon.

Too bad Sarah has to see me as who I really am.  I bet she didn't expect that I can be this good and at the same time equally bad.  Being ambidextrous is my blessing as well as my curse.  All these are my complete package of what it means to be human.  Within me lies the twin forces of Yin and Yang.

There is no escape from this duality.  Just like the symbol itself, in every Yin there is a Yang and in every Yang there is a Yin.  Thus, keep fire small.

I can feel the dark force inside me awakening with my acceptance of its existence.  It is so seductive to invoke the dark force once I tasted victory over the Coolers.  They are so predictable.  So feeble.  All I need to do is instill fear and their minds will be defeated.  Hahaha, that is the kind of thought invasion that works it seems.

The only way to play is to walk away. It's only good for the ego trip.  Nothing more.  The real commodity is time.  I already got time.  That means I am the ultimate winner in any given situation.  Money and power cannot beat the luxury of time.  With time I can be anything I want to be.

With money and power even Anwar had to sacrifice a good 10 years of his time.  Now Azmin is in the same position.

On the contrary, with time I am enjoying myself even if it means clawing the keyboard in a tiny space of CCC.  My mind is free to soar wherever I wish to go without a single dime in my pocket.

I don't need to spend lavishly to be happy.  My most expensive meal was RM130.  I don't need a RM900 Tomahawk Beef to feel satiated.  A rib eye beef at B.I.G. Grocery on Father's Day is the best stake I ever had.  All for RM60.  To top it up I had the best salad there too.

So what the big deal here with money and power?  In the end all I need is Unconditional Love.  I got that I got it all.

Because I got that I managed to overcome cigarettes, cannabis and cunts.  Something I had been trying to forgo for decades.

Now if only I know how to overcome sugar and starch.

Fine, the battle is within then.  Until I overcome my Carbs Craving I cannot achieve my most elusive yet very real goal of Mount 57:

All I got to do is be an Athlete4Life Cleaner.  I had walked the path before.  Now is to walk the path again.  This time together with Sarah, my Eternal Flame and my soulmate in White Space:

As always, I will not be denied...

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