8/6/19 ^^^Time to get real

If I follow through with this current thought process, then I say I was being delusional.  Any rational person can attest to that.

My imagination has no impact to the external world.  It's just me.  My imagination was too active.  Beyond what I imagine there is nothing.

I decided to live with this imagination.  That is the only way to deal with it.  Even John Nash STILL had the illness after 30 years dealing with it.  He only chose to ignore it.

I tried to deny this imagination but when I turn to Al Araf 7:7, they still talk to me.  What can I say?

The best I can do is ignore Sparta 4964.

Awww shucks...  Why should I ignore any part of it?  I had lived through hell for the past 20 years.  I should just embrace the whole lock, stock and barrel and be happy with it.

After all, these revelations just apply to me.  They set the course for my actions to come.

I need to be congruent.  Time to decide once and for all; am I special or am I a fluke of nature?  Well if I am a fluke of nature, I can't be going through such an elaborated script that lasted for 20 years.

What's wrong with accepting I am special then?  My mom thought I am a genius.  You thought I am God.  It is now up to me to see me as who I am.

Every person must believe he or she is special.  There is no ordinary person as I mentioned earlier.

I only feel ordinary whenever I'm uninspired.  But when I am in a good mood, I am back to be a God again.

All these are the byproduct of the neurotransmitters.  Push come to shove, I don't amount to anything.  To prove that point, should there be be war, I will be one of the statistics.

So Sarah, this is who I am, a regular Don Quixote.  I am just another ordinary guy with extraordinary imagination.

I guess you are not far off the track if you believe you are God, there is an afterlife and there is Judgment of Heaven because it is as good as not believing in God, there is no afterlife and there is no Judgement of Heaven.  Both are polarities of absoluteness that cannot be proven.

Another alternative is to be impartial to any of these and just be.  These answer may never come.  So rather than dwell in the unknown, just deal with the known.  That's what I am trying to do.  I am in the White Space, I have you, Lizzie, the kids and Al Araf 7:7.  To you all I am a creator.  That is sufficient for me to accept me as who I am.

Brb...  Going out.

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