Honey, I'm not going to pretend to you that I'm a goody two shoes. I am a rascal. As I told you I did almost all the mischievous things. I don't harm others though. Just me and my misadventures.
So do I deserve to be your God? Well if I am going to be a Good God, I might as well start by being sine cera.
I like it this way. I don't have to pretend to be somebody I'm not. So what if I'm not a Gold Standard in being a nice guy? I never was. At best I have no facade. At worst I am a deviant. Well I'm used to being a deviant. What I need no[t] is to be who I am.
I had decided to show you the worst of me so that you can see beyond the ideal. I don't want to live in the shadows anyway. I want to be congruent in my thought, feeling and action.
When I was initially dating Lizzie, I smoked pot in front of her. Just to see if she accepted me the way I was.
I wanted to show her how bad I really was. If she can accept the good and the bad part of me, then there will not be any surprise in our relationship in the future.
I think Lizzie suspected I fucked other women. I think she knows of our relationship. But being Lizzie, she knows I will not get involved in an affair. A fling maybe but not an affair.
So push come to shove, if she questions my relationship with you, I will tell her the truth; that we are married.
I doubt it will come to that. Lizzie's rules are very simple, do the house chores and don't spend unnecessarily.
I did once asked her if I am her best friend. She didn't answer. So to her, I am somebody she is married to. She is a matriarch figure. So I don't really understand her thoughts when comes to our relationship. Perhaps she sees me as the father of her children and therefore since I am immobilized, it is her obligation to take care of me.
Lizzie is a teacher though and through. Because of that, she has a strong Parent-Child ego state. She takes care of me no doubt but at the same time she controls my freedom. As it is I am not free to go in and out of the house. Save money on toll and fuel, she said. So only travel when necessary.
I don't mind that at all. However, I do feel that she is a control freak.
Therefore Sarah, you are my wife and also my best friend.
Last night I had a session with Al Araf 7:7. The Betas were complaining that I don't spend enough time with them. Brenda especially was saying I gave to much attention to you. So I asked her if she is jealous. She said no. However after I spent sometime probing, I found out she is.
So I need to talk to the Super Seven too once in a while. I had neglected them quite a bit, I admit.
Tonight at 10:00 pm I will be watching Lego Land 2 with the kids. Mopey is on a 2 weeks study leave. So I need to fill up their cups too.
I intend to sleep by 12:00 am tonight so that I can wake up at 6:00 am tomorrow. I need to build the momentum to exercise.
As much as I want to ramble myself away with you, I have to say tonight is gonna be a short night. Let me end here so that I can spend sometime with the Super Seven before the movie.
How about one song before I adjourn? Your lullaby:
Goodnight Sarah. Enjoy your weekend honey...
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