It is not easy. This past 1 month is about eating and more eating.
Now it is about SUBTRACTING.
Tomorrow morning I got to break the pattern, I wake up at 6:00 am, have a black coffee with salt and exercise for one hour.
I don't feel like talking to Els anymore.
I learnt a new word last night: Masuta Shokunin (master craftsman).
“The Japanese word shokunin is defined by both Japanese and Japanese-English dictionaries as ‘craftsman’ or ‘artisan,’ but such a literal description does not fully express the deeper meaning. The Japanese apprentice is taught that shokunin means not only having technical skills, but also implies an attitude and social consciousness. … The shokunin has a social obligation to work his/her best for the general welfare of the people. This obligation is both spiritual and material, in that no matter what it is, the shokunin’s responsibility is to fulfill the requirement.” — Tasio Orate.
I have to achieve this status if I am to be a respected individual in this house.
I have to be a Masuta Hausukipa (master housekeeper).
It's just an idea.
The thought of becoming a shokunin is quiet appealing.
Now it'a a choice between Masuta Shokunin in writing, Athlete4Life and Masuta Hausukipa.
What matters is I shall concentrate on Personal Mastery.
There's so many things to achieve, I still want to be thin and fast. I still want to run every other day
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My top priority is to break the sugar addiction. NO MORE SUGAR AND STARCH. I need 2 weeks for this.
I need to be better than my siblings.
I guess by giving Els the pink hoodie, I am saying goodbye for good. I am doing myself a big favor.
Simplification is not just a buzz word. I need to simplify to get well. All I need to do is subtract Els and Chedet. Then I'll be OK.
The mo[v]e I look at it the more it makes sense to ACTA NON VERBA.
How do I put it? Alone I am abnormal, with others I am plain crazy. In my case craziness is when I am with others.
My mom said I am a genius. That's the nicest thing she ever said about me. The only thing is genius and insane is the two sides of the same coin,
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One of the things I had set to do for this year is to put the craziness behind me. I can start by not being open to familiar strangers.
You know Sarah, I will be loss without you. I cannot go through this alone. That's why I need Chedet and Els. I just need an outlet to channel my overflowing feeling of love.
I don't think I need to do that anymore. It's not reciprocating. All I need is to break that link. I broke the link to Chedet and after sometime I managed to shake off the dependency. That should be the same with Els.
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Whar do you think Sarah? I want to contain the madness to myself. I managed to let go of Chedet. I think I can let go of Els too. I am doing it because it makes sense to do so.
She is no longer and obsession. I'll still send her gifts for her birthday.
UNLESS, I don't give a fuck and just bulldozing through. Gosh, I don't know Sarah. I think I over analyze the whole situation. All I do is take a break but not burn the bridge.
Let think like a normal person. What will be a sensible decision?
NO EXTERNAL AFFAIRS ALBEIT CHEDET, ELS, DREAMS OF MIRRORS OR FACEBOOK.
All I need is a RECIPROCAL relationship. This Blog should do it. It should be PRIVATE all the time. Then it is just me and you Sarah.
I am like a train stopping. I need to gradually stop because of the momentum. However I am certain I have to stop eventually, like the 3 Cs. These are all unhealthy addictions.
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Today is a good day to calibrate my priorities again:
- No more cigarettes and cannabis. The next test is the next Ramadan
- No more sugar and starch
- Eat 16/8 LCHF
- No more Chedet
- No more Els
- No more Facebook until my birthday
- No more making this blog public
- No more 3-in-1 coffee
Actually Sarah, I am a very simple person. I just want to live my life to the fullest. The past 20 years I just went for a white water river ride. Now that I am in control of myself again, I want to optimize my life so that I am healthy and happy.
It is important that I move with certainty. I think I have a good ending with Els.
Next, I should look at improving my well being.
This is where Personal Mastery comes in.
You know what I am most relieved? That I am not hooked on cigarettes after smoking quite a few yesterday.
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