Well, in my case I should be more caring. It's not good enough that I care for myself. I should also care about those that I love. While love is the feeling, care is the expression of the feeling.
If I care about myself I shouldn't harm myself by abusing my body. If I care about those that I love, I should not abuse their minds.
The things I did to myself like smoking and eating sugar are as bad as I neglect the emotional needs of my love ones.
They are all that I have. I cannot afford to be a dickhead because without them I am nobody.
Baby I know you love me much. Give me the chance to learn from my mistakes and become a better person. As I said, I am a learning organism. I can do it.
All it takes is for me to let go of my ego. Let me get to my core. Underneath all the facades I believe I am a good person capable of doing good things.
Of course it takes some unlearning. I was a bad person because that was my survival instinct. I realized now I don't have to be bad forever. I can win over my dark side.
Let me start by winning over the bad things I put inside my body. Let me proceed by being healthy first. Then I slowly work towards being happy.
Would you like that baby?
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On a different note, I still intend to lose as much weight as possible and run everyday. That will not change.
What will not change too is I will write to you no matter what.
As I planned I will officially stop 3 Cs, sugar and processed starch, 3-in-1 coffee, peanut butter, Nicorettes, TraXX and Els by 1/7/19.
I will stick to improving my diet and exercise to be healthy and happy.
As for you Sarah, I take it that you will be there for me. Give me a chance to prove myself to you
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