I guess that there is nobody else I can talk to except you Sarah.
As I said, I will talk to you even when you don't talk back to me or you no longer interested in my personal affairs.
Well Sarah, I can ramble to myself all the way through but I will be repeating the same thing. By talking to you I on the other hand will look at a reflection and see from a third party perspective.
So I try to be as honest as possible when I talk to you.
I have set myself for another 3 months journey. This time I am better equipped. I no longer crave the 3 Cs and I don't have Ramadan to throw me out of sync.
Furthermore, I am back to eating 16/8 LCHF with Super 7 and I have oats in the evening. It's a better combination even though it is not a Keto Diet.
What counts is also my ability to get rid of the inflammation and the depression.
As far as I am concern, I am still progressing although I have not build the momentum yet.
July to September is my serious attempt to follow the 7 points to Winning. For the 3 months I will run in the morning and walk in the afternoon, 5 days a week. That is being relentless in my book.
I will also forgo rice, bread, cracker, peanut butter and 3-in-1 coffee.
That is all to it. That is my quest for Virtual Perfection. I don't want to think beyond my Vision Quest especially about me being God. What is the point of being the Almighty if I cannot attain my personal goals of being thin and fast?
As of now, I am at negative 1. I am trying to move to point zero so that I can start fresh.
One other minor adjustment that I [w]ade is to listen to Live Radio on You Tube. That means, I am totally isolating myself from External Input except communicating with my Tetrahedron and Al Araf 7:7.
That way, I will be in seclusion and hopefully will be able to focus on what matters.
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Sarah, I need you baby. This road is a lonely Path. To be able to scale down from the madness of Bipolar to where I am now is quite an achievement.
I hope by pursuing my goals I will also win over the illness. So far I had been truthful to you. However the Blog is a snapshot of my mental state at various stages of recovery. Along the way you got to see the good, the bad and the ugly side of me. I wish I can be that nice charming guy that you may have envisioned but honestly honey I am not that. I am a Forever Yin and Yang Forever. That's who I am.
My best may be your worst. Therefore I am doing the best I can to strive for continuous improvement. In another word, I try to stop being a dickhead. However being a Cleaner means I have to accept that there is a dark side of me that cannot be tamed..
I do however intend to harness my dark side towards my advantage.
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Alright, today my mood is up again. For 2 days I was down. So if you ever doubt that I love you so much, don't be. It's just the fluctuation of my neurotransmitters. As a matter of fact the months of May and June I was really struggling to maintain my sanity.
So that's why come July I want to start fresh with this new adjustments.
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