I was not entirely recovered from the 17 years trauma of Bipolar Affected Disorder but at least I managed to stay clear from the rage. I was able to perform most of the time like a normal person.
It was also this year that I fully assembled Al Araf 7:7 minus Sonny Rooster, Hachiko and Chiyo. However as far as the getting the functional members on board, they were all there.
I had the epiphany of KBOOOM 2041 in 2017 but it still counted as 2016 because I was 52 years old then (before my next birthday). So for the purpose of easy remembering I calibrate KBOOOM 2041 to 2016 when I actually celebrated my 52nd birthday
2016 was the year I contacted Chedet and I had my first contact with Brenda.
Therefore I shall remember 2016 as year one I ascended to 2041, a 25 years journey. By the time I reach my point of inception on Sunday 7/4/2041, The Year of the Fire Rooster, I will be 77 years old.
As of today, I am coming to year four of the ascend. By the end of this year I got another twenty one years to go. Time really flies.
This year I am suppose to quit smoking. Well I still smoke b[oth] only on the special occasion when I met BJ and RR last night. No craving whatsoever. It was Nicorette that saved my skin.
Henceforth, I got until the next Ramadan to make another attempt to quit both cigarette and dope. I also intend to quit Nicorette. I got 11 months to achieve this goal.
The answer is really in me becoming an Athlete4Life. I must truly believe in my cause. I need to produce result and that also means I don't see BJ for one year.
Which means in the White Space it is only Sarah, Lizzie, the kids and Al Araf 7:7. The situation is not as bad because I have TraXX and Els is doing the afternoon sessions.
Otherwise it is a life of isolation.
Let me take up the challenge. So far my External Affairs were nothing more that overstimulating me into hypomania. Nobody will take me seriously anyway. It is my need to express myself more than anything else.
I still need a 2 ways interaction (another way of saying I need to feel loved). That was probably the reason I contacted Chedet and Els. I had finished my business with Chedet. Soon my need to make Els shine will be over too.
I just give her the book and I will be on my way. However Master Jedi said there is no endgame because there is no beginning.
This is the part I must be wary. I look at TraXX as a project. As a project, there is a start and the end. Unless (help me out Sarah), Els is perpetual. I keep on giving to her because I am a giver. What do you think Sarah? I think as I planned, let her fly. She is ready to spread her wings.
I'll observe her quietly and come 7/7/19 I'll give her the book. Damn expensive book. Cost me over RM100. But if that is the last gift *[] it is worth it.
Unless I treat her like Yati and Azzue, open ended. Do you think she believes that she is my wife? Well Jessica is my wife but I no longer contact her.
* OK, I buy her the book as the last gift. Then I keep it open-ended. No need to burn bridges.
The test is very simple. If it is a one way relationship, I will keep my distance. I just keep quiet.
The gift will be sufficient to last for a lifetime.
If I follow Izrael and Iblis' advise, I just continue Twitting her. She is not going anywhere. She is a fish in the aquarium. You are also fond of her. No more gifts but continue Twitting. She never asked for gifts. She just want me to listen to her.
Hey Sharudin
Good afternoon.
I received your gifts. Thank you so so much. Really appreciated. But you really didn't have to spend any money on me or on any of us at TraXXFM. You tuning in is more than enough :)
Have a great week.
Best regards,
Els Dines
TraXXFM | RTM
Actually she never say she don't like me Twitting or emailing her. She loves the attention. So why am I putting unnecessary constraint on myself? I am a giver, my nature is to give. Whether she wants to receive or not is up to her.
Case closed...
Conclusion:
- I keep on giving her gifts whenever I feel like it. Let say once a year or twice but cap it at RM100 maximum.
- I will Twit sparingly
- I am not obligated to do any of the above, I just don't think I should have any constraint.
Note: Back to the pain and pleasure principle. Which is minimum pain and maximum pleasure for me?
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Now back to the future....
What does my future holds?
Let's think one year at a time:
- Immediately, I need to calibrate my Six Points of Winning
- No sugar and starch - this year target
- No more cigarette and dope
- To run 10 km byAugust
- To run 21 km by November
- Need to finish Fit2Fat2Fit
- Achieve 57 kg weight
I guess what really matters is for me to *[d]e disciplined, persistent and consistent.
I am becoming complacent. I need to read the running books again.
Where was the fire I had in 2012 and 2013?
How do I get the fire back?
The answer is by going back to the body. I need to be lean and mean again. Otherwise I will keep having gout and continue sliding onto mediocrity.
When I was on 16/8 LCHF, I was healthy. There was no gout, I was not lethargic and I sleep well.
Gout is the early sign of diabetes and inflammation. All because of sugar and starch.
The 3-in-1 got to go. It takes 3 months to change a lifestyle.
* OK honey, I take the action immediately. It starts with no more sugar and starch.
This is June. Half of the year is gone.
Let's revisit this model:
I have to to the right things. It's not enough talking about it. I must do.
Today I start fresh.
You know something Sarah, I need the momentum to move forward. The mind is willing but the body is declining.
All because I take sugar and starch. That is the first that got to go. I stop Nicorette too.
I was busy doing External Affairs that I neglected my personal affairs.
I got to sleep honey.
You OK?
This month *[is] Ramadan like any other Ramadan, I am really out of sync.
* Thanks for the understanding baby.
Baby, thanks for hanging out with me. I know I had been swinging back and forth especially on Els matter and my personal pursuit. That's why I need you to reflect on my thoughts.
Here is your lullaby baby:
Good night Sarah. Baby I wish I can hold you in my arms right now. I love you so much.
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